


SALT HEART

by TheTripBeginsWithAKiss (geekyred)



Category: Actor RPF, James Bond (Movies) RPF, RPF - Fandom
Genre: F/M, If Dench!M didn't fuck him then Judi Dench must have, Older Woman, Older Woman/Younger Man, Oral Sex, RPF, RPF used to be a squick for me, and a shit hot, and how could Dan say no, and showing up to press events looking like a couple, angsty good sex, bond boy, really hot older woman, regular fucking, shameful shameful RPF, then these two arseholes started flirting with each other, they have sex in this BTW, wankers, way too much chemistry not to fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:38:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekyred/pseuds/TheTripBeginsWithAKiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have no excuse for this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Just before she answers her mobile, Judi picks up the remote to her ipod playing… _thing_ and turns the volume down until there’s just a whisper of a voice in the background. It’s not as though she doesn’t know the book she’s listening to. _The Magus_ She’s read it close to a dozen times since she first picked it up as a new release back in the day. Now, in the dim light of her bedroom, she gets the familiar words spoken to her from an audiobook. Thank God for technology.

She grabs the phone from the bedside table. She doesn’t have to see the display to know the caller; she can tell from the ringtone who’ll be on the other end.

She hesitates before she swipes across the screen. In spite of herself, in spite of her anger, she’s got nerves whirling around her stomach.

“Hello Dan. What do you want?” Oh she’s an actress alright, she thinks when she hears her voice. It’s only a few words but there’s nothing to give her away; just her voice, bland and bored and edged with a warning.

“I’m glad you answered.” He says. “It’s getting on. You weren’t asleep were you? I mean, I didn’t wake you up did I? Please don’t hang up.” He’s just making noise. It’s the babble of frayed nerves and a heavy conscience. He’s never been good at admitting he’s an arsehole despite the practice he’s given himself over the years.

“No, no you didn’t wake me.   What do you want Dan? Have you been drinking? Are you drunk?”

The way she spits out those words at him make him sick of himself. “I swear,” he sounds sincere and sad but Judi’s doing her best not to give a toss, ”I’m stone cold sober. On my daughter’s life…I’ll never do anything like that to you again.” He pauses, grasping for something to say because he’s struggling to say anything he should. ”I start rehearsing the stunts on 24 this week.” It’s the first thing that comes stumbling to mind. It’s a stupid clumsy thing to say in the circumstances. In the past she’s buoyed him up for the hard slog ahead but now he realises what he’s said and winces as she barks at him down the phone.

“Oh well, thanks for calling to throw that particular gem in my face Mr sodding Bond.”

He’s ballsing this up royally. He had a script in his head and idea of how this conversation was going to go. This isn’t it. It’s not even close. “That’s not why I called. Talk to me. Please.” He waits to see if she’ll speak but she’s silent, probably fuming on the other end of the phone. He’s an idiot, he’s a complete fucking idiot. “I miss you.” He says weakly. She does this to him. She makes him want to beg for her approval. He feels like he’d crawl on broken glass for it. She makes him stupid and weak and needy and desperate. Dan stops himself from thinking.   She doesn’t do any of that. He does it to himself. “I’m so so sorry Jud.”

She can hear the break in his voice. It’s not the first time he’s apologised since that bloody travesty of a night, but this might be the first time she’s willing to hear him say it.

She sighs. It’s soft and breathy, not a sharp huff like she’s given him before. She didn’t even answer the phone the first time he called. The next time she told him to fuck off. “Alright”   she says this time, “Okay.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

He shuts his eyes as a wave of honest-to-God relief like he’s never known washes over him. “I’m so fucking sorry Jud.”

“Well it’s done now, and you’ve apologised and I’ve accepted, so that’s that.”

“Is it? Is everything back to normal?”

“You and I-“

“I meant with-“

“No, no” she says and starts picking at the threads of the blanket on her bed, “We’re not together anymore. He said he couldn’t forgive me, and I, well I understand that. He’s not,” her throat is getting thick and the words don’t come out so easily,   “he’s not going to cause any trouble for you and-”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Please stop saying that.”

“Jud….” He trails off. Anything he could think to say would be completely impotent. He hadn’t expected this: that her man would walk away from her. It hadn’t crossed his mind. He thought there would have been an argument maybe, a bit of a shouting match but not...he can’t understand how anyone could let her go. “He’s a fucking idiot.”

“Don’t you dare, he’s a damn good man. I did a terrible thing to him.”

“I wouldn’t let you go.”

“No?”

“No.”

“How’s your wife Dan?” Judi uses the words life a Canterbury poker. They’re hot and savage. Searing. They burn a wound right through him just the way they were meant to. “How’s your beautiful, smart, young wife?”

He drops his phone on to the arm of his chair. He’s a shitty human being. He presses his hands to his face, fingers pushing against his eyes so hard he sees strings of light flashing against his fingertips. His life is a fucking mess and he’s a selfish wanker. His wife is fine. And she is beautiful and smart and she’s younger than Judi. But she doesn’t know her husband has been having an affair with a woman old enough to be his mother. He’s lucky like that. The people he keeps around him are far more decent than he is.

“She doesn’t know.” He says when he picks the phone back up.

“Lucky her. Lucky you.”

There’s a fair silence down the line. They’re listening to nothing but the sound of each other breathing. Judi knows she should put the phone down then and there. No good can come from this. Far too much has already been scorched black and gone to ashes and the embers left are still glowing their warning.

“Do you know what annoys me, Dan,” her voice comes out of the blue, flushed full of blood and hot as hell, “do you know what really bloody annoys me? You’ve turned my life upside down. I’ve hurt a great man, I’ve fought with my daughter, my PA thinks I’m an old fucking fool!”

“I’m sorry!” he shouts back at her. “I’m fucking sorry, alright! I’m a prick and I’m sorry…”

But she’s not saying the thing that really annoys her. She reins herself in before she gets to that. The thing that she wants to but is too good, despite all this, to say. He’s married and she wants him to leave his wife. She wants him all to herself. She’s almost sure he’d do it if she asked but she never would. It would ruin him. He’d lose the franchise for sure. He’d be worthless in Hollywood for God knows how long and ridiculed in the press. They’d have a bloody field day with him in the tabloids. After the phone hacking scandals and the court cases there’s not a red top in the country who wouldn’t want to publicly rip him a new arsehole. He’d be a hell of a scalp to claim.

“If I left her, would you take me?”

She’s doing everything she can not to cry but her voice, that cracks and breaks at the best of times, never holds that emotion in too well. “No. I wouldn’t.”

His throat hurts. “Please.”

“No.” There’s no stopping the tears now, but they’re silent drops rolling down her face not the racking sobs she feels like letting loose.

He knows she’s crying. It makes him want to crawl out of his skin. He’s done this to her. Him. He pushed her in to this thing. He pleaded and persuaded. He’d turned on the bloody charm as soon as he realised how she made him feel and like a prick he kept at her until she thought she wanted him too. If he was any man at all he’d have left her alone and been happy to get married to a woman that made the world jealous. Judi convinced him to do that. Told him he should make a life with someone who could really share it with him and didn’t he want to try for more kids anyway? That couldn’t happen with her. They were having a fling that was all, a bit of an on set secret that gave them both a thrill. He should go with the girl, she’d said that, go with the girl and if he really wanted it, Judi would still keep a wicked twinkle in her eyes just for him. And he’d done it. He’d taken her get out of jail free card and gotten everything he wanted.

He still wants it all.

“I could get in the car and be at yours before midnight.”

“I don’t think that’s a clever idea.”

“No, probably not, but can I do it anyway?”

She wipes her eyes dry. “You’re not leaving your wife.” It’s not a question.

“No,” he says again, resigned to his own feckless humanity, “probably not, but can I come over anyway?”

She wants to be thirty years younger, she’d have the energy for this if she were. She’d be in the right place to say, leave her, leave your bloody beautiful wife and shack up with me. She’d be selfish enough if she were younger.

But she’s not young.

And she still wants him.

It’s hateful.

“Do what you want Dan. Do whatever the fuck you want.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made some small changes to this, mostly re-writing the adult fun time bits to make them more...ya know.

He’s made quick time in the car. He’s not a bad driver. To be fair, he’s a great driver but a good car helps get him to Surrey before he’s really got time to question himself. Then he pulls up onto her driveway and starts to crunch the tires slowly over the gravel towards the house.

The last time he did this he was drunk. He’d gotten some notion in his head and with enough Guinness down his neck to get him arrested ten times over he’d taken one of his cars over to her place. He’d come crashing into a quiet dinner and ruined everything.

Her grandson had driven him home. He vaguely remembers that. Her daughter tried to pick up the pieces that Dan had left in his wake like a storm and her PA had tidied the dishes and cancelled some interviews for the week ahead. She told him all of this as a matter-of-fact on the drive over, echoing and distance through the speaker of the phone.

Now he’s pulling to a stop near to the front door of the home he thinks he’s left derelict. “I’m here.” He says. He pulls the keys out of the ignition and slumps in the seat with his eyes shut.

“Give me a minute.” Judi cuts her phone dead. She’s not sure how long she sits on the edge of her bed in her pyjamas but she needs more than a minute to gather herself.  She pushes herself up; the knees are good now at least, even if everything else has gone or is going to pot. She gets downstairs to the boot room with a torch then pulls on a pair of Hunters and an old cardigan she uses when she potters about in the garden. She wraps it tight around her to defend against the chilled night air. She must look ridiculous. She is ridiculous. She’s a stupid old woman willingly skipping towards a nightmare. She should know better.

He opens his eyes with a start when she raps her knuckles against the car window.

“Come on,” She says as if she’s been watching him for hours rather than minutes, “You can’t spend all night in there.”

Maybe she should have told him to sod off over the phone before he’d even thought about turning the engine over.   When he’s standing in front of her it’s harder to hold on to the anger she’s got every right to feel and too easy to remember why she fell for him in the first place.

They’re staring at each other through the gloom, afraid to close the gap between them for fear of everything breaking.  The world feels perfectly still and the night could be a blanket around them.  The only thing lighting it is the torch Judi’s carrying. 

“We’re ruining our lives with this, you know.” She tells him with a strong voice.

“Yeah,” he sounds resigned to it, “I know. Do us both a favour and tell me to fuck off, eh.” He leans in, heart thumping, kisses her softly on the lips and hears the torch fall on the gravel.

She’s not known many men who kiss the way he does. She said to him once that it was a gentle threat.  He’d laughed and asked her what the hell that meant. The first time he fucked her, she’d told him, sweaty and breathless, that that’s what she had meant. The thoughts rush heat to her groin. She clasps her hand around the nape of his neck and kisses him back.

She’s not so gentle.

That does him in. Any sense of propriety has gone out the window and his hands are starting to roam. He presses her down against the bonnet of the car. It balances out the height difference for a start. It’s always been more problematic than the age gap. That doesn’t bother him. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t give a tinker’s damn about their ages. She gets his heart racing and his dick hard. She makes him laugh like a loon. “I love you.” God only knows how many times he’s said it to her. “I swear to God I love you. “ He says between fractured kisses. “Please believe me.”

He’s tugging at her pyjama bottoms. The warm bonnet of the car is under her naked backside as his breath huffs across her pussy. She twists underneath him and the Hunters dig into his hips and thighs. She’s a river of want, burst banks flooding need through her veins, and she’s desperate to have him taste her.

Judi threads her hands through his hair and grips his head, giving him encouragement but he doesn’t need any. He’s rough and bold, his lips around her clit, sucking hard and tongue pressing firmly against the nerves as they swell. This is how she likes it – so harsh and unforgiving it’s almost painful.

He’s getting hard for her. He rubs his hand over his jeans, grabbing and rolling his cock beneath the fabric well enough to make himself moan. Judi shudders beneath his tongue as his mouth trills against her cunt and Dan knows his pleasure can wait. He slips his hand from his dick and pushes a finger inside Judi’s pussy. Now he’s willing her to come, beckoning it closer with a crook of his finger and his insistent mouth.

Underneath him she’s gloriously unabashed; wet and wanting and desperate for him. Nothing thrills him quite as much as hearing his name and all dirty words Judi knows trembling and stuttering from her lips.  That’s when he knows she must be getting close.  A riot of thoughts start running around his head and a surge courses through him. He shifts his legs, pressing himself against the car looking for his own release.

He feels her coming first - stiff legged, her toes digging hard at his hips, everything strung out and tight as hell as she chases after it. She throws herself against his mouth and he tongues her viciously until he feels her fall away. He laps the juice from her cunt and comes too, spurting a mess inside his jeans.

There’s a comfort to the weight of his body and Judi realises she’s missed it; misses him and all the things he brings into her life, no matter how terrible the consequences can be.  She’d kill to stay angry at him.  It would be better for them both if she did.  She realises she’s absently carding her fingers through Dan’s hair.  It’s a soft, tender gesture that betrays too much but guilt and the chill of the night are starting to creep back in. She sighs.  “Now what?”

He murmurs against her stomach. “I don’t know.” He says and kisses a languid smear across her skin as if it was an apology.

Something about his honesty and the sad timbre of his voice completely disarms her. This boy; this terrible, terrible boy that she’s fallen for. He’s so charming & dangerous. It can’t be right.

He feels her shiver and watches goosebumps rise on her skin. It’s cold out here. He doesn’t know what the hell to do. He raises his head up to look at her even though it’s too dark to see much. “Tea?”

She huffs out an incredulous noise. This is all a terrible farce. Bugger it. It’s an idea as good as any and what else is there?  Growing old with no-one to make her feel the way he does ever again?  Sod that.  She’d rather have him and this mess than nothing at all. She always did fall for the charming arseholes. Really, she should have seen it coming.  She pushes him away with a soft shove and dresses herself again. To hell with it. He makes a decent cup and he knows where the tea things are at least. “Well come on then.” She says. She still resents that she has to accept the arm he offers as they walk in the dark towards the house. She tries hard not to think about the other man whose help felt like a blessing rather than a curse.

She lets Dan get on with the tea, even if he does hesitate to turn the light on when they walk into her kitchen. She flicks the switch and they both blink in the sharp light.

“It’s alright,” she tells him in a terrible tone.  “No-one’s home. It’s just me.” She hears him fill the kettle with water as she’s pulling off her boots. “Do you think I’d have let you come over and get away with that if anyone else was around? Our sex life has caused enough trouble in this house already. You were as much my dirty secret as I am yours Dan. Don’t forget that.” Then she sits down on the sofa at the other end of the wide room and lets her words sting.

They do but there’s something mockingly domestic about this, he decides as he bring the tea, in mugs, and sets them on the table. As if they’re bickering over who had the last jaffa cake rather than struggling to get past all this shit. The sofa dips as he sits down and Judi starts to shift away from him then settles back. Moving a couple of inches away from him seems a bit ridiculous given what’s just gone on outside. But there’s something sad and awful in her eyes and Dan thinks it might be regret.

When Judi picks up the mug and wraps her hands around it, taking in the heat, Dan looks at her fingers. They’re still covered in a lifetime of jewellery bought by another man who loved her. Her hands are delicate, but his scalp hurts from the way she was tugging at his hair earlier. Jud’s got all sorts of strength most people don’t see. He feels bad for making her weak.

“I’m sorry.”

“Do stop saying that.”

“I mean for what happened outside. I shouldn’t have…”

“Well, you did and I let you so….”

“Do you hate me?”

“A bit.”

“Do you..”

“Oh for God’s sake Dan stop it!” Her mug of tea goes flying past his head smashing against the fireplace behind him. It’s too much to the left to cause him any damage other than a few drops on his sweater but it’s enough to make him flinch. “Stop asking me what I do and what I don’t…you have no sodding idea what I want or what I fucking well feel! And stop saying sorry, it doesn’t make things any better!”

He hangs his head and picks at the rough skin on his hand. “Will anything?”

“Do I honestly look like I have an answer for that?” She still sounds livid, but it’s fading. It has to. She hates her temper. Anger she can live with, that’s a thing to be marshalled and put to use, just like grief, but that temper she’s got – it’s the cruel unthinking part of her she’d rather never see.

“No.” He lifts his head and takes a good look at her. “Is it definitely over between you two?”

Judi breathes deeply before she answers. She could repeat a dozen awful things Dan said that night back to him now, word for word, but what would be the point. What she says is enough. “With all the things you told David, what do you think?”

He doesn’t really remember what he said or did and he’s too scared to ask. He’s a bitter drunk with a nasty tongue when the notion takes him.  Christ only knows what he said to her and everyone else.  He shakes his head.  “I kept calling because I wanted you to forgive me,” he laughs bitterly and wipes his hands over his face, “But maybe you shouldn’t.”

“I don’t think it’s any of your damn business if I do or don’t.”

He barks a laugh again, this time at her sharp tongue.

“What the bloody hell were you thinking Dan?”  She sounds disappointed in him.

He hangs his head.   “I was jealous.” He remembers that much at least.  “I want what he’s got.”

That stirs a flash of anger in her. “Well he doesn’t have it anymore does he?” she snaps, “So as far I go you’ve got exactly what he’s got.”

“I love you.  I need you.”  It’s starting to sound pathetic even to his own ears.  “How can you not get it? How can you still think I’m talking bollocks after all this time? I love you.” He takes a breath and it fans his sadness into anger and frustration. “For fucks sake you’ve got to believe me. I keep thinking if I tell you enough, if keep telling you, that you’ll get it or want to fucking believe me and it does my head in Jud because I love my wife. I shouldn’t be begging you for this and I shouldn’t be jealous but I am. I fucking am and it rips me apart. Neither of you deserve this bullshit. She definitely doesn’t deserve this. And you, you don’t…I’m just a selfish prick.” He scrubs his hands across his head. “I’m fucking up everything.” His eyes are rimmed red and useless tears are wetting the corners. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I swear to God I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t even know what the fuck I said….I just…I knew that he was with you and I wasn’t and….I don’t know what I’m doing anymore…”

She’s been holding her breath as he burned his passion through every word.

She’s perverse. She must be to need this in her life.  She’s never been easily convinced by what she thinks of as quiet love. That confident kind of love, the kind that girls far prettier than she ever was accepted as their right, has never sat so simply with her. How could she ever be sure it was real if it didn’t rip its way out of someone’s heart at a hundred miles an hour?

Oh  she’d been taken by the wrong sort when she was younger. The over bold and overbearing. Great, passionate men she wanted who wanted her and every other girl going. Then a different sort of man, her husband eventually, proved himself by chasing her around the world and back to propose on a dreary day. Sometimes a horrible thought runs through her head and for an instance she’s sure that if he’d loved her well enough he wouldn’t have died and left her alone. She gets angry that their life together might have been a lie. But that horrible thought never stays for long, not now, and she knows the truth. The other one wasn’t lying either. The one who held her hand and found her keys and made her feel safe and cherished. His love was calm and for the first time in her life, at her age, she fell in quiet love and accepted his.

Now she’s ruined that because of this.

This one here shouldn’t be attracted to her at all. He’s young and handsome, much too much out of her league, even if she hadn’t been old enough to be his mother. But he is. He wants her and her bed. He runs so hot it burns.

She’s still holding her breath; as if that could ever put this fire out.


	3. Chapter 3

They shouldn’t be doing this.

For all sorts of reasons they shouldn’t be doing this but the most pressing one is time. They’ve overslept. Dan should have been sneaking away when the roads were quiet and the sun was down. Too late for that now. It’s a damn good bet there would be hell to pay if they’re caught. Today neither of them gives a shit. It doesn’t matter that they’ve been in bed together all night, apologising and forgiving in various positions - they’ve never had the chance to have this kind of sex. Easy, intimate morning fucking isn’t the sort of love affairs normally get to make.

There’s something about the way Judi kisses. Dan can’t get enough of it.  She’s naughty. She nibbles sometimes, bites at others but this morning her lips are a soft ghost against his. A bare touch that has him dying for something stronger but enjoying the tease so much he almost doesn’t want to do anything else. Almost.

They’ve been teasing each other since she shook his shoulder and told him they’d overslept. He’d mumbled something sleepily about how that would be impossible since they’d barely slept at all. Then he’d said a few words into his pillow for her to hear about how she should be on a bloody register.  Judi had laughed and threatened to put him across her knee for his cheek.

She let out a squeal when he had turned the tables.

He chased her under the covers so he could pull her across his lap and then he’d delivered a couple of playful slaps across her backside that didn’t sting any less for their light-hearted delivery. Seeing his own handprint marked in pink on her arse like a branding was a thing of beauty. The daring look she gave him over her shoulder that promised retribution wasn’t bad either.

He reaches blindly on the bedside table for a condom. He’s got a fair repertoire of foreplay would have done the job on its own but this is a concession to her age. Durex Elite aren’t marketed to women Judi’s age but, given the benefits, maybe they should be.

He smiles. She doesn’t fuck like a pensioner. She’s up for all sorts. So is he. They’re a hell of a match.

He hears the broken breathy sound Judi makes when he slides into her and his lazy morning hard-on that was good enough to start the job swells in response.

She could be any age at all when she spreads her legs for him like this. Thirty, sixty, seventy; it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care. Why should he? When her hand curls around his arse and draws him closer telling him how good he feels inside her, why the hell should he care which number was written in icing on her last birthday cake?

Dan holds himself awkwardly just so they can kiss again.

“You’re too good for me, I don’t deserve you.” He whispers. “And you definitely don’t deserve a shit like me. I’ll be better, I swear.” He pulls his head back and holds himself above her as their hips cant together softly.

His eyes are strikingly blue at the best of times but today something’s making them bright enough even for Judi to see.

“I think we probably deserve each other.” She says as she smooths her hands over his chest. That she gets the chance to feel such firm flesh under her fingertips or that someone like him would ever look at her the way he does…   He makes her feel so bloody alive. He should be on prescription. She smiles up at him and he starts to fuck her harder. It sends wave after wave of heat rushing across her skin as though every nerve she has sparks to life just for him; to let her feel every touch, every kiss, every inch of pleasure he has to give. It’s glorious and she’s addicted to it. “Keep this up and you might be worth the trouble.”

He watches as she shuts her eyes and bites her bottom lip, raking her teeth across the well kissed flesh before she moans. The first time he saw her do that he’d lost his head and come far too soon after. It can still be a struggle. Judi tilts her hips and he feels like he’s sinking deeper into her. He swears and drops down to his elbows. His balls are already getting tight but the deep slow rhythm they’re working feels too good to go chasing after the quick release they promise.

He slips his hand between them, squeezing the mound around Judi’s clit. He’s studied hard to learn the lessons of her body; the how, when and where of all the ways she likes to be touched and tasted and kissed and fucked. He’s become an expert at getting her off and he gets to reap his rewards in myriad ways. He can never believe how good she feels. Every noise she makes spurs him on. Every time she touches him he’s on the verge of tipping over.

It’s too soon when he hears himself begging her to come. He’s pleading with her to let him hear it, let him feel her come around him. Please, please, please in a heavy, heaving rhythm that matches his hips.

That need might be the most beautiful thing about him.  It’s utterly captivating.  Judi’s got her hands around Dan’s flanks, tugging on his shoulders, pulling him close.  She can’t get enough of him.  Her legs are spread wide; James Bond is between them and it’s magnificent – he’s magnificent. He screws her better and harder than anyone else who’s had the chance. He’s the best bad choice she’s ever made.

The squeeze Dan was teasing her with turns from soft to serious and any guilty care she had about having him like this is gone. He’s not teasing anymore. Every feeling she has is being drawn to her cunt; red hot pleasure distilled to perfection. When he touches her like this he’s practically daring her to come.  She gives in easily and comes soft; bonelessly cresting below the intoxicating heights she reached last night. Relief licks through her veins.  It touches every part of her and leaves her weak limbed and lightheaded before it swirls between her legs, chasing itself away until there’s no relief left.

It’s a torturous delight that promises there could be so much more.  

Her clit throbs with the coursing pulse of her blood as Dan slows his strokes. He’s on the verge too, she can tell.  Then he catches her eye with a silent offer and she knows what he’s about to do if she’ll let him.   ‘Yeah?’  he asks and she nods.  He flicks his finger at her exposed clit.  It’s so perfectly, wonderfully brutal it makes her scream.  The pain and the pleasure of it burns through her and turns her to fire.   Her eyes show her colours she can’t see anymore. It’s so damn good she can barely catch her breath.  Her cunt spasms tightly, greedily tugging at Dan’s cock…if she could she’d be calling his name like she was barking at the moon.

“You’re such a wicked tart for me aren’t you.”  He whispers close to her ear before he kisses the skin nearby. “I love it.  I love you.”

When he feels the ripple of her fluttering, fibrillating cunt grip his cock Dan knows he doesn’t have to hold on anymore. He drives hectic thrusts inside her before he slows one last time and comes at the end of a deep, forceful stroke.

He flops to the space beside her slicked in sweat.

“Jesus Christ.” He pants.

Judi hums something that sounds like she agrees with the sentiment. She gives herself a few more stolen seconds of their dazed, satisfied haze but they don’t have the luxury of this.  The bald truth of it is neither of them have time to do anything other than clamour for their clothes and pretend to the world this didn’t happen. God forbid her family should find him here.

She doesn’t want to say it but she knows she has to. 

“You need to get going.”

Dan sits up and rests on the on the edge of the bed. He knows too but it doesn’t make it any easier. He grabs a tissue and leaves the used condom in the wastebasket with the rest. “Yeah.” He says darkly.  He dresses himself quickly in yesterday’s clothes and throws Judi her pyjamas. “I don’t want to leave Jud. I hate how this feels. Please, let me stay.”

_Let me leave my wife.  Let me ruin my career. Let me leave it all in ashes_.  Everything else his plea means stays unspoken but they both hear it none-the-less.

“Don’t start.”  She’s trying hard to be strong.  (As if her body isn’t still thrumming with the heat of him.  As if she doesn’t want him in her bed night after night to do the same.  As if she doesn’t know she’ll fade away the minute he’s out the door.)  He can’t stay.  She couldn’t allow it.  What they want doesn’t matter as much as what they do.  And what they do doesn’t matter as much as how the rest of the world sees them behave.  She tries not to think about how they feel.

She’s dressed and fastening the last button on her pyjama top as they’re walking out of her bedroom.

“I’m not starting anything.” He tells her. “But I,” he shakes his head, “you need to be treated better than this.”

She’s not proud of it but she knows what being the other woman involves. It’s a horrible destructive thing, fucking and giving a damn about someone that you shouldn’t. It’s full of emotions that run too strong and dark thoughts that tear away at you if you let them. Even at her age she’s susceptible but she’s trying her best to bite at those horrible feelings and keep them at bay. “I’m fine Dan. Don’t worry about me.”  Saying it makes her knees feel weak; her lying heart is pounding.  ”I know how this works. I signed up for all this again when I brought you upstairs, didn’t it?” She grips the bannister for support as they walk down the stairs. “What I need is for you not to go getting yourself in the state you did before.”

“I wont.” He says with such sudden resolve Judi’s not sure if he’s doing it for her or himself. “I told you, I’ll be better.”

The hard glare of the sun doesn’t cast either of them in a good light as they stand outside by the front door unwilling to say goodbye.

“We’ll see.”

Dan leans forward and kisses her forehead.

“I promise you, I’ll never hurt you again.”  He means it.  He swears to God, in his soul he means it.

She’ll never let him keep that promise.  Not hurting her would mean him ruining his life. ”We'll see," she says again. "Go on, getting going before anyone knows you were here.” She says softly, betraying all the strength it takes for her to be so casual. “I’m not going through all that nonsense again.”

“Uhhu.” He says and it almost sounds like a growl. But he doesn’t move. He wants her so damn much.  He knows every single thing he would have given up to lie in bed with her for just a while longer. Or sit in the garden or swim in the pool.  Anything.  Like the desperate man he is, he’d take any scrap he was offered.  Instead they’re here, he’s about to walk away and all he’s got to convince her that it’s real and it means something is himself. He’s not sure that will ever be enough.

His hands are at her waist, Judi can feel him holding her tight. He’s so damn powerful she could get drunk on his strength. For a second he lifts her above him and holds her there, looking. What the hell it is that he sees?  He lets her slip through his hands until he’s face to face with her.

When she sees the look in his eyes it takes her breath away all over again.

“Tell me you believe me.”

“Dan…”

“Tell me that you know I love you.”

He makes her feel so fucking alive.  She can almost believe that she deserves to be seen the way he sees her. She curls her legs around his waist as best she can as he pulls her in for a kiss. It’s a desperate hungry goodbye that makes her think about never letting him go back to his wife.

The pace of the kiss slows and she gets her feet back on the ground.

“I know.” She says. “Alright, I know, now go on, you need to get going.”


End file.
